Hos hos hos! Um, I mean Ho ho ho!

Well, I'm off to play Santa at the mall for all the good little boys and girlies. I can't wait. This ought to be so much fun seeing smiling faces, telling the kids they have to be good because I'm always watching (not like The Reverend though), and just having to sit down in the big, comfy chair and drink my egg nog and peppermint schapps (hey it's the holidays!).

Plus, Pretty Boy Slim said that chicks can't resist a dude in a Santa outfit. He said I'm guaranteed to get some action. I told him I didn't want any action, just to get laid. I fight enough villains already. Now is the time for me to have fun, not fight.

LC

You say "tomato", I say "ketchup"

You know, I’ve been fighting the forces of evil just as long as, if not longer than, the others; and yet I still get told how to do my job. Not my deconstructioning job, the other one. You know, the fighting evil one.

I’m really getting tired of hearing Mofo and Phlebotomy Iguana telling me that fighting crime IS: stopping robberies, rapes, world domination, mutant rabbits, etc… And that fighting crime IS NOT: punching someone through the wall for not tipping the hot waitress, throwing someone through a plate glass window for bitching about the hot waitress’ service, or picking up and shaking someone’s car for honking at us in traffic.

I think that some of us just have a very narrow view of crime and need to open their minds to the fact that not all criminals wear long capes, carry “weather wands”, kidnap us by using some of my villains, or end every monologue with maniacal laughter. Some of the most vicious criminals in the world look like ordinary people, like the guy in the fraternity t-shirt in the next booth who keeps telling his buddies that he’s gonna take the hot waitress home and make the monster with two backs. I’m gonna kill that son of a bitch. Sorry. I got a little off track there. I kind of like the hot waitress.

Anyways, why can’t we all just agree to disagree on the definition of "Supervillain"? Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go play Santa at the mall for all the kiddies.

LC

(Sponsor’s note: LC’s Grand Jury case for vehicular assault is coming up soon, and he may need some positive character witnesses. And yes, he actually did use a vehicle to assault some kid at the bar. Picked up a Chevy Corsica and chucked it right at the poor bastard.)

Non-denominational Holiday Party '05!

That's what I've tentativly named this year's "holiday" party. Yeah, "holiday".

Mofo won't let us call it the "Christmas" party anymore because he's afraid of offending someone because we're not being PC. I don't know what the hell Providence College has to do with our party, but The Reverend is all kinds of pissed off, or full of Heavenly Rage as he calls it.

Anyhoo, I've taken it upon myself to plan and decorate for the "party". I want it to be fun and not end like last year's. Geez, Louise that was weird.

Anytime that I end up the least drunk one at the party, things have taken a wrong turn. Well, come to think of it... that was a really good party. From what I saw on the video tape anyways. Mofo set up a "hidden" video camera to record the whole thing for insurance purposes he claims. I'm not sure how "hidden" a camera is when you have it sticking out from in between 2 pink teddy bears in the corner of teh room.

So I have lots to go and plan for for next week. I'll let you guys know how things are going later. For now I'm going to see a man about renting a live raindeer and 2 tons of snow. There will NOT be another midget belly dancing elf agian this year I can promise you...ewww.

LC

My mugshot isn't up on The Smoking Gun anymore

Recently I've had some fans email me to ask me what I look like. They must have not been from The 'Boro. 'Cause everyone knows me in The 'Boro. 'Cause I'ma superhero...and I fight crime.

But anyhoo, I started to tell them to just Gooogle me (hee hee, that sounds dirty), but I saw that those Gooooogle-ly bastards didn't have my picture up there in their pages. Just pictures of alcohol (which is cool), some surfing stuff, a couple a cartoons, a crappy hippie jam band, a bunch of people who are NOT me, and this asshole.

So in order to familiarize yourselfs with me, just in case you see me and want to say "Hey!", here is a picture to help you recognize me:

Or to help with recognizeining all of us, you can go see the video that some camera crew came and made about us.

They said it was for a dockumentery on superheroes in the real world. But they were liers, 'cause I watched all those episodes of The Real World and never saw us on there. We must have been "too hot for TV" or somethin'. Maybe they'll invite us to be on the Real World/Road Rules Challenge or something instead. I could kick all their butts, especially that lock-knees playing Ace.

Ruthie's my favorite. Well she was until she went into rehab and became a quitter. Let that be a lesson kids: "Quitters never win and winners never quit drinking."

If you'll excuse me, I have to go get some more headshots done. Photogenic Inferno says Glamourshots is having a special and he got all his done there. Ummm, pass. I'm gonna head back to the Police Department to see if I can get a few copies of my various mugshots.

LC

Bad puppy!!

I finally had to punish little ol' Bongo last night. But I think we're both the better for it.

I got home from a hard half day of deconstructioning to find that Bongo had Mofo trapped on top of the fridge. (Does that mean he fridged him?) Let's just say that Mofo was not so happy about being up there. Especially since he was up there for 4 hours, or so he claims.

Apparently when Mofo came back home from wherever he was when I left, Bongo started "terrorising the ever living shit" out of him. He claims Bongo deliberately shot his eye lasers at him to try and kill him. Mofo is always going on about how Bongo wants to kill him, or how Marius sent him to destroy all of us, or how you shouldn't eat peanut butter out of the jar with your fingers.

I asked him that if Bongo was there to kill us all, then why hasn't he attacked any of us? "What the fuck do you think I'm doing up here?" was all I got from him. Well that and the bag of frozen peas he threw.

So I did what any good puppy owner would do. I sat Bongo down, pointed at him, shook my finger, told him he was a bad puppy for fridging Mofo and not to do it again.

Bongo didn't take that so good...

He growled at me and unhinged his little jaw. But I smacked him pretty quickly to show him who's the daddy. While Mofo was pleased with that, he wasn't too thrilled about the Bongo sized hole in the floor.

I went downstairs to get Bongo and bring him back to apologize to Mofo, but he was acting a little weird. He had his tickly, blue sparky stuff going, running around in circles and puppy barking in a weird way. It was kinda fun to watch really.

He calmed down after a little while and conked right out (someone slept good that night). I took him back upstairs and put him on his little dog bed that he made out of car parts. He's been on nothing but his best behavior since then.

See? Sometimes you have to hurt the ones you love so that they don't do the things you don't love, or something like that.

LC

Craaaaap...

Well, today started off with a bang. Well, not really. More of a "ring ring ring". That was the sound of the phone if you didn't know. I got a telephone call at about, oh 10 minutes ago. It's like 4 now. That appears to have been my wake up call.

Today was my first day on the job with the City. And I slept through it. Well, not all of it. If I wanted to, I could make the last few minutes I guess. But I might as well make it a full day.

So the lady who called the other day called me today. She didn't sound real happy. The fact that I could put down the telephone and still hear her yelling clued me in. I thought I was for sure canned on my first day (again), but she said that The Mayor wanted me to keep my job and it was only because of him that I still have one, even tho my "sorry, drunken ass couldn't manage to show up for my first day". Geez, what a bitch.

So she said that The Mayor told her to tell me that we would have to work something out about me coming in to work on time. He wants me to just kind of come in whenever I can and there will be a list of places to destroy, I mean, "deconstruct". Or if I need it, a person to drive me from place to place...and keep me powered up. Sounds like a sweet deal to me. I told Miss Bitchy that I'd see her "whenever" and hung up. I think I'll bring her a drink or Mydol or something when I go in tomorrow. This job just keeps getting better and better. I like The Mayor.

Well, I'm off to the kitchen to make my lunch/dinner/whatever for tomorrow. I get to put it in my new lunch box that Mofo went out and bought me after he found out I got a new job. Man, he's really excited about this for some reason.


LC

Oh, and I forgot about the hole Ask Liquid Courage thing 'cause I started drinking right after I posted that on the interweb. That's also kind of why I missed my first day of deconstructioning. But it seems noone gave a rat's batoot enuf to even ask me a question, so I think I'm gonna quit asking for questions from peoples on the interweb.

Dear Liquid Courage: Episode III: Bongo Strikes Back!

Ok. I know it's been a while since we did this, but honestly I just kinda forgot about it. That happens from time to time.

Soooooooo...um, if you have a question that only the most alcohol drinkin', butt kickin', puppy pettin', question answerin' superhero can help you with; feel free to ask ME, Liquid Courage!

I'll be taking questions all today/tonight and tomorrow morning, and I'll answer them Friday afternoonish. If I can. You never know when I'll have to drink some cold ones and thwart some baddies.

So remember to leave your questions in the comment section right under here before Friday afternoon.

LC

Here comes the money!

Geez, Louise. You guys are such drama queens. All I wanted was to spend some of my money on the stuff I wanted (Strange Brew dvd) or needed (that utility belt would come in handy fighting crime damnit!). I just didn't want it all taken away from me and I wouldn't be able to order any pizza or chinese (hi, Amasian!!). I do want to help the peoples that are troubled and chock full of helplessness. I just don't want to be the only one funding the hole operations. Not that I mind being Iron Man, in fact I look up to Tony Stark. I'd like to think we'd be good buddies if he were real. We'd go out for drinks and chase some "tail" as he would say. Then we'd fight crime like Ultron or maybe The Mandarin....hey, that's the name of the chinese place I get my food from...coinkidink? Maybe...

Anyhoo, I figured that since everyone knows how I make some of my monies now, that you guys on the Interweb would want to know how everyone else does. As far as I know anyhow:

Pretty Boy Slim- sells used cars now in his new city. Mofo says it’s pretty appropriate, seeing as how he’s always screwing people over. At least he gets paid to do it now.

Shit Kicker- I don’t know what he does. I think he won the lotto or something. He always has money to buy new gadgets like shitarangs and new fudgepackers. But for some reason Mofo doesn’t hound him for money for the A.S.S. Fund. Maybe Mofo doesn’t know about the money…oops.

The Slut- just gets gifts from some of her friends. She is always going out on “dates” and she says she’s working lots of different jobs, so that’s how she makes her money. I asked The Reverend what kind of jobs Slut does and he says they’re the ones you can’t put on your resume.

The Reverend- I have no clue how he gets money. I think he just steals it and says it’s a “tithe to the church.” I keep wondering where my pizza delivery man tip money is going. I kept thinking I was passing out and giving them to strippers, which is a possibility too.

Mofo- used to work at Dairy Queen. SK liked to say he was the Queen at Dairy Queen. Doesn't do anything now except for try to look broody (looks like he has bad gas and can't fart) and watch Gilmore Girls. How broody is that? But Rory is a cutie.

LC- your lovable, handsome, superhero worked at a local donut shop but know is employed by the City as a deconstruction worker. I haven’t started yet, but I’m sure work will be fun and go by fast, especially since I get to drink at work!

Pyromaniac Inferno- I dunno. I heard SK saying something about him making a lot of donations to the bank, but he wasn't sure who the hell would want any of his DNA. I'm not sure where he works but apparently he puts it all in the bank and has a savings bond or something.

Our roommate, Ted- Ummmm..... I still haven't seen Ted in a long time (no trip to the zoo), so I don't even know if he has a job. But they must not be too concerned about him because they haven't called or anything to check on him. Maybe they killed him and made him into a stew or something. We should investigate!.....just don't know where he worked in the first place. oh well.


So that's it. That's how we have some monies coming in. And going out really. So I guess maybe it is a good idea to pool our monies togther and help make our A.S.S. grow bigger and stronger.

LC

All your base are belong to Mofo.

Um, when did Mofo become in charge of all of our money? My money to be pacific.

I got a job with the City as a deconstructioner and now Mofo wants to start putting all of it into a A.S.S. fund. Sounds like something Pugilistic Inferno would come up with to me: A.S.S. fund.

First of all, how much money do you think I'm gonna be making here? I'm working for the City not Donald "your fired!" Trump. Yeah, it's steady; but the real benefits are in the...benefits. Free booze whle I work? Hells yeah! I'm not gonna be rolling in the dough (especialy not after the whole donut dough thing) or money with this gig. You may have made more as the Assistant to the Manager at Dairy Queen. Well, until you got demoted and then fired anyways.

These are some of the thngs Mofo wants to sped my money on:

• super computer- Dude, we've got a Dell. A new DVD burner drive would be nice though.
• a jet- what? it takes like 15 minutes to drive across town. 25 if I have to hitch hike or sneak into someone's car.
• a Mofomobile- .......are you serious? what about the Mofocycle? I think someone's comepnsating just abit.
• a 100 inch plasma screen TV- this one i can see. Jackass would look better on one of these babies.

Here are some of the things I want to spend my money on:

• Alcohol- hey, i have to drink in non-work hours
• Utility belt with a built in cooling unit. oh, and a portable microwave.
• Dog house for Bongo
• Trampoline
• scooter with rocket boosters and lazers and neon lights and flames onthe sides and a horn that plays "boobies!" and a cooler under the seat and a side car for Bongo!
• Lifetime perscription to Forbes magazine. That's the one with the girls that have the big knockers right?
• pool on the roof
• A robot maid who will only listen to what I tell her. or if I tell her to listen to someone else.

So. Maybe we might be able to come to some sort of agreements on this if we can um, agree. You guys just be sure that Mofo isn't trying to control all your monies too.

LC

Whoo Hoo!

Whew! We sure dodged a boomerang. I got a call from the City last night. Well, actually they called for me but I said I wasn't home and that I was Mofo and could I take a message.

Turns out that those buildings I levelled were part of some re-zoming (?) project the City was working on. They were scheduled to be demolisheded next week anyways. So I ended up doing them a favor by just knocking them down for free. Actually; they offered me, I mean Liquid Courage ('cause I'm Mofo remember?), a job knocking stuff down for the City. So I get paid to have fun! I (Mofo) was smart enough to remind them that I (LC) had to be able to drink on the job to actually do the job. AND I worked out a deal to get the money that's sposed to go to health insurance to help pay for power ups. At first the lady said they couldn't pay for a "slush fund", but I said no not Slushies, beer and booze. I set her straight.

So. No trouble for the little incident and now I have a new job. Well, aside from fighting crime. So long donut shop!! .......Holy crap. I haven't been to the donut shop in like 3 weeks. Guess I should go and tell them I quit. And pick up a few dozen donuts while I'm at it.

Smell ya later!

LC
(I'm a deconstruction worker now!)

The heart wants what the heart wants. And it wants to SMASH!

Why is life so cruel? Why can I not be hurt by bullets, tanks, lasers, shovels or nuclear-grade plasma blasts; and still succumb to the wounds inflicted upon my heart?

I so liked you lady at the bar. I don't really remember your name...or even what you looked like, but you smelled nice. And you treated me like a person. Sort of.

Why must you lead me on only to break my heart at the end of your shift? I have feelings too. But unlike my ruggedly handsome face, they can be hurt.

LC





Ummmmm...I'd just like to go on record and say that this was totally not all my fault.

Missing Peoples

Has anyone seen Ted? I haven't seen him since he left to go home in San Fransisco. He was supposed to take me to the Zoo today. I finally get to go back now, after that whole poo flinging thing with the monkeys. Man, they can dish it out, but they can't take it.

Seriously, where's Ted? I wanna go see the penguins do it. It aint natural.

I think that's him...it's what came up when I put in "Ted, my roommate" in Google.

LC

Ultimate Milkshake Update

Ummmmmm.......let's just say it didn't work out so good like I planned.

1. I forgot to put the top on securely before I started the blender. I think you know what happened next.
2. I tasted what was left in the blender and, well, it didn't really taste as good as I would have thought. In fact, it kind of tasted the exact opposite. Like puke. Amazingly enough, like the time I did eat all of the things I put in there...and threw up later on after SK punched my in the junk for table dancing in the living room.
3. I almost got away with the mess too. By that, I mean I almost got all the way out of the apart...I mean headqquarters, before Mofo started yelling for me to come back. He asked me who did it. I couldn't really think of anyone else, so I said Mofo did it. He saw through my ruse and asked again...so I said Bongo. He said that "While I can almost believe that your robot assassin dog could probably do it, he'd probably rather have ME sprayed all over the kitchen." Bongo barked at Mofo, making him dive over the couch and yell for me to clean up the mess I caused.
4. When cleaning up puke, I mean ultimate milkshake, from all over kitchen; it's best not to use what you think is the spare rag lying on the back of a chair. 'Cause it might turn out to be SK's new shirt that he just put there until he could find a hangar. Especially if that chair was in SK's room.

LC

It's about damned time.

The Canadians are finally starting to repay the world for Celine Dion:
http://www.canada.com/edmontonjournal/story.html?id=f29238a6-88a8-41c7-a3a8-58a7562cf0da&k=36000

Not since Mr. Wizard have I been this interested in science. Well, there was that time when Mofo and I fought "The Professor" and Mofo had me destroy his lab because he said "The Professor" was evil and cloning monsters and planning on turning all beer non-alcoholic. So I did. I did it pretty good too. Turns out, "The Professor" wasn't evil. The Reverend says he was really Mofo's 10th grade Chemistry teacher who failed him and made him re-take the class again the next year. I guess Mofo can hold a grudge.

Well, back to my own, personal research. I have a hypo-thesis that combining milk, pizza, donuts, gummy bears, hotdogs, sesame chicken, ice cream and lots of hot fudge will be the best milkshake ever.

LC

Enough is enough!

That's it! I'm tired of being blamed for EVERYTHING that happens around here.

So I have a tendency to do a few "sociably unacceptable" things when I'm powered up? So what? You guys are no saints either. Not even you, Reverend.

I'm tired of being the first one pointed out after anything happens or goes wrong. "Who peed on the toilet?" "Who ate the middle out of my sandwich?" "Where did all the Doritos go?" "Who puked in my underwear drawer and pooped in my boots?" "Why is there a giant fucking hole right next to the door?" "The Slut's too tired to go fight crime today because of somebody." "That fucking robot assassin dog is trying to kill me, who let it in?" "Who used my condoms to make nasty water balloons?" "Why did I pass our couch on the side of the road accross town?" "Who decided it was a good idea to mix all of the condiments together in one jar?" "Why is there a bonfire in the living room?" ""Where is my mask?" "Somebody drank Pappa Slappey's vitamin drink." "I can't get on the internet because the 37 woman orgy porn locked it up." "Who smashed the PS2, XBox and Gamecube controllers?" "Why are you in my bed?"

I'm tired of it. Yeah, I did some of those, but not all of them. You should take a look at yourself before you start blaming me. Remember that old timey saying: "If you guys live in a glass headquarters, don't be shooting at each other and stuff!"

Bastards.

LC