Yummy in my tummy!

Gobble gobble gobble gobble!!!!

hehehehehe. That's what a turkey says.

Ah, it's that magical time of year again when it's perfectly acceptable for me to lounge around, eat as much as I want, drink 'til I pass out (again) and just watch the football games on TV.

It's Thanksgiving.

And it's quite lonley really. Bongo and I are the only ones here today. Everyone else went to see their families. Mofo went to see Pappa Slappy, SK went back to the Combo to see his Sheety relatives, The Slut went to see her new sugar daddy (no, not the candy. I already asked.), The Reverend is off on some mission feeding everyone in Hungry & Turkey, and Ted went back to San Fransisco or wherever he's from.

So it's just me and Bongo living it up in the apartm...I mean, headquarters until everyone gets back.

But at least I don't have to worry about crime. I haven't heard a peep from the police scammer that we have. So it must be a day for criminals to have off too. Except in Canada and "Minnesota". I don't think they celebrate Turkey Day like we do since they're foreigners. Sucks for them.

Well, I know for a fact that I won't be hearing a peep from Agent Orange (funny, but he was blue...) this year. Not after last year when he disrupted A.S.S.'s Thanksgiving dinner-making. I was so pissed that I beat the ever-living crap out of him with the frozen turkey The Slut was about to cook up. Then I made him apologize to all of us and swear that he would never interrupt our Thanksgiving again or I would shove him in a can of peas and chuck him as far as I could throw it. Harsh, I know; but I was really hungry and ready to eat and I can get cranky when I'm hungry.

So, just me and Bongo hanging out. Alone. Just us. Me eating and drinking. Him eating what I throw away, including the cans (he recycles). Just waiting. *sniff* Alone. Guess I'll just see what Bongo and I can do to amuse ourselves. I think I saw SK's toolbox sitting around ealier, maybe we can fix some stuff.

LC

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Wow. Umm, I guess Bongo had to really go to the bathroom. But I'll get to that in a second.

Sorry I've been away. I know I have a tendency to kind of disappear for periods of time and have aboslutely no memory of what happened while I was gone (I like to call it "time travel"), but I got a good excuse for this one.

I woke up this weekend and I wasn't at home. I didn't know where the hell I was. Not that that's all unusual or anything, but I was very cold and nothing looked at all familiar. And I wasn't in the cooler at Wendy's again. No, I know that place now. This place was weird and the people talked funny. Real funny. Everything they said was like a question or something cause they ended all their weird-speak sentences with "eh?" They said the name of the place was "Minnesota."

I told them I was from America and needed to get back home. They tried to convince me that I was still in the good old US of A, but I wasn't buying it. Noone talks that weird in America, well except those funy little kids that ride the small school bus and The Reverend calls "God's extra special children." Mofo calls them "Society's extra special burdens." I don't know what a burden is, but it sounds sweet.

So anyhoo, I asked these foreigners how I got to their strange country and they said that Bongo brought me. I tried to ask Bongo if that was true, but he couldn't confirm or deny becuase he's a puppy. So I decided to chalk it up to another case of "time travel". Hmmm, maybe I was in the future... I didn't know how to get back home to America, so I did what every good old red bloodied American would do in that situation. I drank.

Those kind Minnesotians took me out to this bar called the "Ice Hole" (hee hee hee). They wouldn't let Bongo in at first, but he used his puppy charms and ate the doorknob off the door, and they let him in. Let me tell you something about those little people. They can drink. They kept pace with me for like the first 3 hours. But then I hit my stride and made them all pass out, even that big fat trucker in the corner. I think he had something in his eye, cause he kept winking at me. After they all passed out I had nothing left to do but play with Bongo and keep drinking. The last thing I rememebr was telling Bongo I missed home and wished I was there. Oh, and falling through the table.

Next thing I know, I'm at home in the bathtub.

I asked The Reverend if he knew what happened and he said the last he saw me was Thursday night. He said a loud crash woke him up and when he went to investigate, he saw Bongo with his leash on dragging me down the street unconcious. And that's when he stopped caring.

So, I guess Bongo really had to go to the bathroom and for a walk. So he took us to another country. I don't know why he won't just go on Mrs. Pym's bushes across the street like I want. It's always either in Mofo's room or "Minnesota".

Oh well. Maybe I need to take him to puppy obedience school or something.

LC

Can I keep him?

Sorry I've been away from all my Interweb friends. But I got a puppy!!!!!!

Remembers when I said I had to go cause I thought I ordered Chinese (mmmm Sesame Chicken)? Wel it wasn't the funny little delivery guy (I like to call him Amasian- the Amazing Asian!). It was a puppy!

How cool is it that a puppy just showed up on our doorstep, rang the bell and waited for me to come get him and love him? He's sooooo cute too! He's black, brown and silver. He has the cutest little white spot on his chest and these cool metal legs and helmet. It makes me just want to hug him all the time, but I don't know if he likes being hugged all the time. He squirms and tickles me with his blue, sparky stuff when I hug him.

Oooh oooh! He's really smart too! When I brought him in the living room he went straight for Mofo's room! I think he wanted to investigate his new house. But Mofo wasn't there so he came back to me and sat down.

He likes to play though. He's really good at fetch. I threw a ball for him and he brought back a Volkswagon. So I threw that for him and he brought it back. I think he likes it better than the tennis ball. The bumper is easy for his little, metal teeth to grab.

And he knows tricks too! He can do sit and stay and rollover and shake and other stuff. And it only took a minute to teach him to go and fetch me a beer. I say "Hey, puppy! Go get daddy a cold beer!" And he can do it. And remove the cap from the bottle! Plus, he does the cutest thing where he shoots a lazer out of his eye when I say "Fuck this noise!" Too bad about Mofo's life-size Kathy Ireland stand-up. And the wall behind it.

So I wanna keep him...but I have to run it by Mofo and Ted first. I'm gonna give him a cute name like Bongo and get him to do his "Fuck this noise!" trick to impress them. I'm sure they'll say yes.

I have a new puppy!!!!!

LC
(& Bongo)

No way, Jose!

That's just an expression people. This has nothing to do with Jose the guy that gives me burritos and big beers at my favorite Mexican place. He's nice. He talks funny too. I don't know what "Estúpido, dunken a idiota americano" means, but i think it's something about him admiring how much I can drink.

Any-hoo, I'm saying "no way Jose" to Mofo's old best friend (I'm his new best friend), Marius Maxwell (i'll call him Mary for short. hee hee). Apparently, Mary (hee hee) broked out of prison and is coming after Mofo. I don't know why, but I guess it's the usual dick supervillain thing they usually do. You know, come looking for revenge only to get a face full of big, blue mail box.

So this Mary (still funny) is probably going to use some overly dramatic scheme to kill Mofo. Like ringing the doorbell and shooting him in the face with a gun that launches man eating sea bass, or stealing his shoes and putting poison-tipped jacks all over the floor, or abducting him off the street and placing him in secluded basement and chained up so he has to cut his leg off, or maybe he will just blow up the entire apartment with enough C4 to destroy an aircraft carrier. Who knows?

But I'll be there to stop it, beer in hand. 'Cause noone hurts my bestest friend, Mofo. Now that Disco Inferno guy? Whatever. He gave me a warm beer last night. Dick.

Excuse me, I have to wrap this up. Someone's at the door. I think I ordered Chinese.

LC

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

What the hell is this?
http://www.stp.georgiasouthern.edu/George-Anne/pdfs/051103.pdf

Where was I when this happened? I mean, why didn't anyone come and get me/wake me up/something??? Maybe I could have done something! why didn't anyone step in to help fight these evil bastards while I was wherever I was?

SK, you of all people like to go out and get powered up and bust heads like those tow truck guys you like to watch in the parking lot. Flaminco Inferno, you could have done soemthing useful for once! Slut, now you have to buy your own drinks instead of getting hammered for free off frat boys! TED!!!! you're a college student for Christ's sake! What kind of evil bastards do I work with?!

Now where am I supposed to go drink a lot at night...I mean... where am I supposed to watch for evil activities in a convenient spot? Fighting crime by campus with all of the hot hot hot girls isn't cheap, you know. i rely on those specials to help me manage my government check and make it last longer. Now I'm gonna have to spend more and freaking pace myself. One drink at a time is just cruel.

I hate politicians! That's it, I'm going to the courthouse. Again. For personal AND business reasons this time. I'll show them what for.

LC

Emergency!!

I have a list of stuff I, i mean WE, need from Wally World. It's kind of bare around the kitchen and stuff, so i figured I'd help and make a list of what we need:

Tacos, pizza, beer, Chinese, burritos, new white tshirts, bacon egg and cheese sandwiches, cold spaghetti, potato chips, WD40, ballbearings, donuts, cereal, eggplant parmesan, beer, pork chops, crackers and port wine cheese, new copy of Strange Brew dvd (mine’s missing), underwear, peanut butter and jelly, wings, salsa, block of cheese, toilet paper, beer, garbage can (don't ask), Velcro shoes, cookies, Red Bull, deodorant, metal detector, crayons, machete, super glue, puppy, orange Gatorade cooler, big fork and spoon, Red Rider BB Repeater, superhero mask, Red Vines, Jolt Cola, condoms, water baloons, & hair gel.

Oh, and beer.

I think that's all we need for this weekend. I'll get started on next week's list on Sunday.

Thanks,
LC

donkey lips can't hover much longer cause it's bed time!

HahahahahaHahAHAhaHahhAH! That’s soo funny! Monkey’s can’t use staplers cause they gots and he said that I shoulf just give that little kid an apple cause it just went to the dentist and made fun of all the clowns throwin poop. Poop! I said poop! Poop is funny like like that time Mofo stepped on the garden rake and it hit him in the face and he got mad at me for laughing so he hit me with it and I laughed some more cause it didn’t hurt except I told hjim it wounded my sense of self and he asked me if I knew what that meant and I didn’t remember what it was he was talking about so he just turned and walked off and then he tripped and fell and laid there cussing at me. Hahahahahah, that little sausage is so funny. I like Mofo. I’m glad he’s back. You should see all the booze he just gave me. He said it was a welcome back present, but I told him I didn’t go anywhere that I could remember did i go to the store? and he said it sdidn’t matter but just don’t go anywhere again. so i guess no more pizza runs......ooooh, pizza. i'm gonna order me a big juicy penguin. pEnguin? I meant donut! What was I talking about again? I’m gonna go and buy a monkey! heer monkey monkey

crappapotimus!

LiqUId Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Is there something I'm missing?

I get the feeling that there's something funny going on around here lately.

People's attitudes are a tad off and their usual joking and humorous sarcasm has turned a bit spiteful. It seems that there's something irritating my fellow teammates lately, and I intend to find out what it is.

Nothing keeps a team from performing at their best like internal stryfe and discomfort. If only I can determine the root of this problem...

Maybe I can help to relieve some of the tension by telling an off-color joke or playing a "prank" on one of them. Switching The Reverend's regular coffee to decaf would surely do the trick. Ahhh, that's rich. I can hardly contain my own amusement at my proposed shenanigans.

I'm off to boost morale and fill in my newly-returned best friend, The Masked Mofo on today's scheduled duties.

"A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done."- Dwight D. Eisenhower

(Formerly) "LC"

Addendum:
I thought that we might all find this humorous as we don't actually know what the good Reverend's powers truly are.
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/31113
Satire can be a fickle mistress.

FLC

Now if only I could program this VCR...

Whew! What an eventful weekend we've had around the hideout. I've been able to defeat evil in our fair city and defeat the "untidy monster" living in our very own secret headquarters.

This very weekend we were victorious against 3 super strong and intelligent, mutated gorillas (three of them!), another wave of giant robots (honestly, who keep using these darned things?!), Fanboy v3.0, and even had a brief (very brief) appearance by The 3 O'clock Bastard. AND I was able to clean up and organize the apartment, start a database and map of the last know whereabouts of all of our villains, pay the cable bill, and throw out 2 cartons of expired milk (eww).

With all this excitement and productivity, you can certainly understand for want my brevity. After all; it is exhausting being the leader of a finely tuned cadre of superbeings, re-organizing the canned goods in the cupboards, and trying to make The Masked Mofo feel like a part of the team upon his re-arrival.

Oh my, I'm getting winded just typing it all out. I'm going to go relax with some yoga and a nice Fresca. Until then, "It is in the character of very few men to honor without envy a friend who has prospered."-Aeschylus

Yours,
Formerly "LC"

The 6 P's: Proper Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance

Hmmmm... slow night last night. I was expecting much more villainous activity after that quick spurt of giant robots, radioactive dinosaurs and Mortax the Sorcerer. But alas, quite the opposite. Things have been all quiet on the 'Boro front.

Well, this provides me with the great opportunity to prepare some more inspirational comments and comprehensive directions, as well as designing some new strategies and team-work combinations for us. I'm thinking of teaming The Reverend and Thermonuclear Girl and then possibly bringing in Phlogiston Inferno to be SK's partner. PI could provide the spark we're looking for on the team.

I really believe that we gelled during the battle against Mortax and I can only hope that's the tip of the proverbial iceberg for us. They all seemed to respond well to my leadership, and I hope they look forward to working with me as much as I do with them.

Maybe I need to consider having some more pre-battle meetings. The last one appeared to get everyone on the same page and help us focus on each section of the plan. I think The Reverend especially liked my use of flow-charts. Maybe I'll spice things up this time with a pie chart and a quote from Sun Tzu or perhaps Friedrich Nietzsche. That's sure to inspire them.

And as an added surprise for the team, I'm working on devising a team uniform for all of us to wear! That way we can start to build some "superhero credibility" and "brand recognition". I think they're going to really like them.

Cheers,
Formerly "LC"

Huzzah!

To be crude about it (which I feel is actually deserving at this juncture), “Damn we’re good.”

The group and I faced off against 5 elemental demons summoned by Mortax the Sorcerer, defeated them, and then secured Mortax for due process under the law. All in under a half an hour to boot!

I must say that after a stern lecture, a few flowcharts, and some simple military tactics and commands; we are an impressive squad. Allowing, nay, encouraging everyone to think outside the box when it comes to the use of their powers and abilities really helped us to bring down those elementals; especially the earth-based individual. Or as SK kindly referred to it as “that big, fucking pile of rocks and shit.”

And I must say, I was quite impressed with The Reverend and how he stepped up to the plate to take out the air-based demon, AND then proceeded to work with Thermonuclear Girl and take down Mortax with a devastating combination (I have no notion as to where that move even came from!). But, as it is their time to shine, I’ll allow them to regale you with that little tale.

Let us all take a deserving rest now, for we have ensured the safety of this fair city once again.

Oh, I spoke too soon. Here’s a call coming in now about a chemical tanker explosion downtown and a large “beast-like” individual. No rest for the wicked I surmise. No rest for them indeed, for The Association is here to stop their malicious deeds!

Formerly "LC"

Back to basics. Again.

While The Masked Mofo is on a self-imposed sabbatical, I have volunteered to lead our ranks in the fight against evil, tyranny, and those who would do wrong to the innocent. And if time permits, to help get our own house in order. Both literally and figuratively, I mean the place is absolutely filthy.


I bought a police scanner along with a few other handy items last night while I was out. You'd have thought that an organized group of superheroes would have had one already, and also maybe even a map of the city we live in; so as to help figure out where we need to be when we hear the police radio in distress calls about giant robots and radioactive dinosaurs. Which by the way, I heard calls coming in about both of those; so I just didn't come up with those as examples. Who still uses giant robots? That is so very passe and reminiscent of Dr. Von Voltischmeer from the 1940's and '50's.

But alas, I was the only one in the apartment when the calls came in, so I had to tackle them solo. Without the aid of my previous self's "powers" as well, so I wasn't exactly sure how I was going to approach either situation. Luckily, another band of our superheroic brethren took care of both the problems. Handily, I might add. So I did get a good chance to see how a well-organized group of meta-humans can easily tackle the titanium and radioactive problems at hand.

After witnessing that particular display of heroics, it seems I need to get the others in the Association (has anyone else but me noticed that the acronym for our group is "ass"?) to fall in line and be ever vigilant on the look out for evil and ready to strike at a moments notice. I think we need a boot camp-esque technique to get us all on the same page. And to set up regular meetings again with everyone in attendance, not just when we have a quorum.

Well, I'm off to gather the troops and start to instill a sense of pride in what we do and help to strengthen the bond we all share as a "team".

(Formerly) LC

Man: a being in search of meaning. - Plato

Who am I?

An ageless question that has been asked by man for as long as we have been here. Well, as long as man has had cognitive thought anyway. Because before that, man wouldn’t have even thought twice about why he soiled himself. But I digress.

Who am I?

That’s the first answer that I am trying to ascertain from my troubled and toxic past. I know it sounds quite droll, or even that I am on some sort of philosophical journey to re-discover myself and my purpose in this quandary of a world we reside in. It is to a certain degree, but it’s also a simple fact that I am trying to discern.

Who am I? I haven’t the foggiest. I cannot, for the life of me, remember my actual, God-given name. So I thought to check my wallet for my driver’s license. And irritatingly enough, there was no license. I’m guessing that it was probably revoked because of one too many cases of driving while being impaired. There was however an identification card (no doubt so that I could provide myself with more “power up juice” as I was apt to call it), a frequent shopper card for a liquor store (charming), and the phone number from what I can only imagine is a very non-attractive waitress from the Waffle House. Oh, and one single dollar with the note “To be used at the nudey bar” written on it. I guess that was my savings account.

You must all be expecting my identification card to have my birth name on it, as was I. Instead, it was scratched out and had “LiuQid CouRAge” written in permanent marker. Red permanent marker to be precise. So that provided nothing.

Rummaging around my room, it’s a sty really, provided no better clues to my actual identity. Empty beer cans and liquor bottles, pornographic material, direct mailings, newspaper clippings, more pornography, empty pizza boxes, several Curious George and Nancy Drew books, a half-empty box of cigars, and oddly enough what appeared to be a second printing of Milton’s Paradise Lost that was in excellent condition. Alas, when I opened it, it was hollowed out with a space for a small bottle of Jim Beam and 2 condoms. At least he practiced safe sex. I hope.

But none of this had a name on it other than “Liquid Courage” to my dismay. So I’m off to see the local authorities to see if they have any good conception of my actual identity. No doubt they will have had numerous run-ins with my past self and will be able to provide me with the answers I seek.

Yours,
"Liquid Courage"
*sigh*