It's fun....but not REAL fun.

Allright. The ball pit situation is taken care of. No more incominng ants. No more hugenormous ant carcasseses (thank God). And no more jelly beans :-(

I got a couple of guys from the office's "Clean Up" crew to help me clear out the loft and ballpit. The Mayor stopped by to make sure that everything was going smoothe. He also decided to poop on my parade and nix all of the ideas to refill the pit. No Salt & Vinegar chips. No jello. No pudding. No bubble bath. No nothing fun. Apparently dumptruck sized ants are attracted to fun. I hate aunts now.

So I'm back to having little rubber balls in the pit. I mean, it's kinda cool and fun to play with. Ok a lotta fun to play with. But you just can't eat them. Trust me. Well, Bongo can, but I told him to quit cause I don't want him pooping a rainbow of plastik. Although that's got to be better for him than all the rocks and shit he eats outside.

So if any of my Intranet friends want to swing by and play with my balls, just let me know. If I'm not here, just leave me a note on the sign up sheet on the front porch. It's the big white one that says "Sign Ups to Play with My Balls."

LC

Thems!

Man, I'm sorry its taken so long to say hello to all my internets friends. But I've been recovering from a weeklong bender, no I mean, a weeklong fight. (kinda sorta the same thing though, isn't it?)

Who was I fighting for a week? I bet you think it was that bastard Mofo. Nope. That wouldn't last long at all. Maybe my buddy The Mayor (not gay)? Nope, I wouldn't fight my bestest buddy. It was ants.

Yep, ants.



Ok, you guys remember my ball pit filled with jellybeans? Aw man, it's so frickin sweet! That's kinda the problem. There's a hole lotta sweetness in a big ol' pit. And those ants love the sweetness, I mean jellybeans. And it started off kinda normal: a few ants trying to get into my bean pit. But I sprayed 'em down. (oh, always remember to throw away any jellybeans that get sprayed too. they aren't good for you when you eat them. ugh!)

But more came. Slightly bigger. I guess the first ones were some kinda scout team. And they went back and told the others about my jellybean goodness. Cause the next ones were a lot biger, maybe some kinda soldier ants or something. But I squished 'em.

Then there were some the size of roaches, I kid you not. Biggest fucking ants I ever sawed. Bongo got in on the action this time as they were big (and fuckin' creepy enough) for him to squish too. I hoped that was the last of them.

Fuck me, no it wasn't. Goddamned things were bigger and bigger and bigger and fuckin bigger until they were like dumptrucks. I don't know where they came from, but I had to start killing these things with a shovel. I ran through almost half a bar trying to kill these things. Lemme tell you, if you come across one of these 9 legged dump trucks, just run. Go get a super hero, better yet, get a buncha them. Cause they worked my ass ove pretty goood. They can wrestle.

Finally they stopped coming but I wanted to track 'em down and make sure they didn't come any more. So I got Bongo to sniff them to where they came from. Go figure it was the sewer. Rather tahn fight those goddamed things again, I just caved in the sewers around them. Oh man, I caught a lot of shit for that too.

This was the first time I snapped at the Mayor too. He started telling me he was disappointed in how I handeled the sitiation, and I cut him off. I was all like "If you wanna go and fight those goddamned monsters, feel free. But I ain't gonna do it again!" Then I stormed out.

Now I ahve to go and get rid of all the jellybeans from the beanpit. I don't want anymore ants coming into my house ever. I mean EVER!

I'm thinking of filling it with something not sweet like Salt & Vinegar potatoe chips. Those are good.

LC

For the one of the ones I love

Here's a little poem to one of my true loves. Well, it's one of those hachoos anyways.

My P B & J
How I love your yumminess
I’ll eat your insides

I couldn't really come up with anything for beer, so this will just have to do. But I do love me some Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Mmmmmm....I think I'll go make one now.

Happy VD Day!

LC

My own headquarters

Ohmygosh!

All you guys that are my Interweb friends are never gonna believe my new place. Um, that's why I haven't updated the online diary in a while. I've been breaking in the new place.

I told the Mayor about me leaving A.S.s. and that asshole Mofo, and he set me up with new digs. Well, first he put me up at teh Hampton Inn for a few nights until my new place was ready. (Apparently the names of the porns you watch DO show up on the bill. The Mayor couldn't get the city to cover those, so I'm out $57.37)

My new super-duper-headquarters is a loft-type place downtown. Downstairs there's a full bar, kitchen, tv/game room, weight room, bathroom and one of those ChuckECheese ball pits filled with jelly beans. Upstairs there's my room, another bar, another tv/game room and best of all.............. A ROOM FILLED WALL TO WALL WITH COMIC BOOKS!!!

It's the most kick-ass type place I've ever been. And I get to live there!!! It's just missing one thing...a fire pole. I want to be able to slide down if I'm in a hurry. So I'm gonna work on building one of those this afternoon.

I don't even have to commute either. It's right down town so I can walk to work when I get called in.

So, I'm gonna throw a house warming party and all my Interweb friends are invited, but not A.S.S. Well, maybe Puerto Rico Intro; but definitely not The Masked Shithead.

Party over here!!

Oh, and as a house-leaving gift, I told Nigel where Mofo lives. Hee hee. :)

LC

Screw you guys!

"The Masked Mofo said...
NO! Do NOT even think about turning heel! I'm drawing a line in the sand, chum. The mayor or us. Your choice. But feel free to keep the job. We need the money, you know."

Fine. You want me to make a choice, buttmunch, here it is:

I'm outta here.

I don't have to put up with this shit. He's my friend (and that's it) and you are all just jealous. It seems like that casual observer chick, Alison, is the only one looking out for me.

AND I'm taking Bongo!

Peace out, fuckers!

LC