And Mofo says I phone it in

Texas man foils burglary in Britain

This gives me such a great idea.

I can fight crime and look at porn at the same time! Well, this time at home anyways. Cause sometimes I take some reading materials with me for when things get a little slow out on the streets.

Holy crappapotamus! I just realized that I can be all international now! Hmmm… I wonder how you say “Liquid Courage you saved my life! Please, please do me now!” in hot foreign girl languages.

Now to start looking for sites with webcams...

LC

Are these my people?

Milwaukee is named 'Drunkest City'

I found out where I might be originally from. Seeing as how I don’t really know who I am or wheres I’m from, I figured this might be the spot.

What I should do is go visit and ask people if they know me or if I look familiar to them. You know, cause if they know me, they can be all like “Yeah I know you. You’re LC. You live right down the street.”

Maybe I can even find my family. I always wondered what they’re like. I bet my mom’s like some cool secret agent and my dad’s a beer man. I probably have some snotty little sister who probably in my room right now goin’ through my stuff like I’ve told her a thousand times not to do. HEY! SNOTTY LITTLE SISTER! GET OUTTA MY ROOM DAMNIT! I’M TELLIN MOM AND DAD! I HATE YOU! AND, AND YOU’RE ADOPTED!!

Oooh! Maybe I can take in a Brewers game while I’m there. They rule!

LC

“Maskhole” 2: Electric Maskaloo

Kick ass!

I was downtown a little while ago, and some little kid asked me if I was the Super Duper Liquid Courage. I was all like: “Sure am, little whipper smacker.” He was all like: “Wow! A real, live super hero! The kind that can throw cars around and whatnot! Not one of those loser maskholes like The Masked Mofo!”

….. Holy crap. That kid just said “maskhole”. It’s already catching on.

And just for the record, I never called Mofo a loser. Just a maskhole. Mofo's actually been on a pretty impressive winning streak here lately. So no loser. Just a maskhole.

LC

"Maskhole"

Freakin’ Mofo. Jeez Louise he can be a dick sometimes. I mean, just the other day at lunch he was all cool and all, but today... damnit, what a maskhole!

See, I was calling him the “Masked Asshole” for a little while, but it got old and I shortened it to “Maskhole” because it sounds funnier.

And he doesn’t really get it yet. So I can keep calling him a Maskhole and he doesn’t even know what it means! Ha ha ha! Stupid maskhole.

LC

I’ll have the chicken fajita nachos and 7 big beers please.

Sometimes it’s nice just to sit down and have a meal with the ones you love. And if you don’t have them, the guys you work with are ok to eat with too.

So me, Mofo, SK and The Reverend all went to eat lunch together the other day. It was nice. We’re all pretty busy in the day now, but we just wanted to spend a little quality time with each other. SK has switched to the day shift, Mofo took a break from his Gilmore Girls on dvd marathon, The Rev from whatever the hell it is he does now, and me from umm… well, I was already hangin out at the resteraunt talking to “No Way” Jose the Mexican delivery guy.

It was nice to just cut loose, drink a few brews, tell some funny bad guy stories, say hello to Hard Hat Julio and all his little hard hat hooligans, and just forget about all the bad stuff in the world that we have to deal with. Good times. Good times.

But I still say I heard an explosion outside while we were there. But Mofo was all like “Jesus, man; it’s lunch! There was no explosion, so just let it go alright? Where’s my freaking crispy tacos? Stupid beaners…”

LC

Thanks, guys. Thanks a lot.

Ok. I know that I have a tendensmy to kinda fall offa the face of the earth every know and then; what with the under-the-covers operations, being sent to alternate realities or foreign country places, and the occasional binging and locking myself inna old refridgerator down at the dump (don’t ask); but come on!

I know that Mofo gets kidnappered like every other freakin’ week, but I don’t! Well, except that one time when those guys in white coats came and got me and took me to this big, white place with all these other mumbling peoples in white outfits, and they made me go through a whole bunch of talking tos to learn about my “feelings” and they wouldn’t let me have anything to drink and said crap like I didn’t need to drink to help people, that I could just use my “heart” or some hippie nonsense like that. But that was just that one time.

Anyways, I gots kidnappered and you guys didn’t come and help me.

I had to bust out of there on my own after drinking, God help me, some of my own pees. It still had a good amount of booze in it and let me get powered up enough to take out some guards and then pound my way into the sewer and haul butt away from wherever the Hell I was.

But I’m back now. So thanks, you guys. Thanks for nothin’.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go take like my 12th shower today. Man, I haven’t felt this funky since.... well, since the last time I was tromping around in the sewers. I was looking for Ninja Turtles.

LC

That's a buncha monkey crap!

This is so not fair. The peoples at the Zoo suck. They suck hard. They suck long and hard. And they’re liars. And they’re hippocats, cause they totally are letting people do what they wouldn’t let me do when I was at the Zoo. I was surf and turfing the Interweb last night, and I found these picatures from the local Zoo. Check this out:

What the hell?!?! When I try to play with the bears, they say I’m scaring them and causing disturbances and a whole buncha other nonsense. But when this douchebag (who looks way to much like me for this not to be some kinda mean joke on me) plays with bears, it’s all good. I bet they even let him have “Bear Race 500” like I tried to get Mofo to do. I had the checkereded flag and everything ready to go.


Even this guy gets to play with the elephants and hose people down with the “nose hose” like I was gonna do! Summer is the perfect time to drench the little kiddies with a powerful blast from Stampy’s face cannon. I call shenanigans on these Zoo bastards!!!

Sonofabitch! Even my favorite, the polar bears are in on it!


I am hownever, not surprised to see Taffy in on this hurtful prank. She’s a bitch. I think Mofo misses her though. He still mentions the “mind sexing”, or whatever it was they did, from time to times.

I just think that’s a buncha hooey and I for one will not stand for it! I’m dragging Mofo along with me to right the wrongs and evil doing that has befallen my favorite Zoo! Ok, fine, Mofo has to drive, but I plan on nagging him until he caves in and takes me to unwrong this stuff!

LC

Oh your time will come Whitey McWhite Bear. Your time will come. I’ll see you in “Bear Race 500”.