It’s not breaking and entering if the door’s wide open…

It’s just entering.

I was walkin’ around downtown yesterday when I found myself walkin’ by the ol’ A.S.S. headquarters. The door was open, so I figured I’d just pop in and see what’s what. You know, just for shits and giggles n stuff. At the least Phlebotomy Insurance might be home and we could play some X-Box or somethin’. But nobody wuz home. Everything was still there, so they hadn’t moved, but nobody was home. So I did what any good hero would do, I went and made sure that everything really was all where it was sposed to be.

The fridge was stocked, but I wanted to help my old buddies out and do some quality control to make sure that fairy Maris hadn’t snuck in and tried to poison them. (one of the benefits of being nigh-invulnerable is no poisonin’) The beer checked out, same as the fried chicken, potatoe salad, cold cuts, cheese, bread, Miracle whip, mustard, pickles, and some other stuff. The kabinets were cool too. The TV didn’t blow up when I turned it on to make sure, so that was good. And it stayed ok for a couple of hours. No death spikes in the couch either.

So all in alls, I guess my former teammates were still pretty safe. I just suggest (as a super hero should do), that they think about locking, or at least closing, the door next time they all leave. It’s just kommon sense fellas.

LC

Aw, nuts!

For some reason, the City contacted me.

I was hangin out by the store with my homies Lil’ Puff, Pimpalicious, and el Whoppo; when some suit guy came up and said that for official City porpoises I had to get examined and tested. I told him one of the benefits of being nigh-invulnerable is that I can’t get STDs from sluts. He just stared at me and said that’s not what he meant. He meant psycho-something-or-otherly. I just stared at him. He said: “A shrink, you frickin’ retard!” That guy was an asshole.

So I went to the head doctor and thought you guys might want to hear about some of the highlights:

• He asked me about my childhood, but I didn’t remember it. In fact, I don’t got nothing before waking up with my powers…
• He asked about my “teammates”. I told him “former teammates”.
• We played some word game where I told him the first things I thought when he told me a word. That game was fun. He got real mad. Apparently your not sposed to reply with “Are you gay?” more than 2 or 3 times…
• I got to play with “action figures” to show how people have treated me, and he went and got a camera to take pictures. I guess I made a good story for a movie or something.
• I made him cry and he threw me out. I mean, who leaves “priceless Meng density vases” just lying about within reach? And wasn’t that Meng guy in a Flash Gordon movie? No, wait, I think he was a wrestler…

So that was my trip to the head shrinker. I had a pretty good time, but he said that he’d blow up the city if they made him see me again. Guess I don’t get to crash on his comfy couch again any time soon.

Gotta run. I’m being asked to leave the Library because Bongo kept molesterering the copy machine downstairs. I gotta get him fixed or something.

LC

Just checkin in...

Hey everybody! It’s me, Liquid Courage here. Just have a few minutes on the computer left. I’m at one of those coffee/interweb kafes, and some guy told me I could use the last couple of minutes on his computer time that he paid for. Sweet.

So what to tell you guys… Oh! Me and Bongo are crashing at my buddy El Whoppo’s place. That’s not his real name, it’s just what I call him. He’s some Mexican superhero and has some hard to pronounce fancy Mexican superhero name. So I call him El Whoppo. He seems only mildly irritated by it. Anyways, He’s letting Bongo and I crash at his place. With him and his 4 brothers and 7 cousins in a 2 bedroom place. It’s smelly and I really have to get out of there soon. But it’s been raining squirrels and woodchucks, so I have been waiting ‘til it stops.

The Mayor’s still in peaches and still pretty frickin’ pissed at me. I saw him on the street the other day and he started cussing me out with a whole buncha big words and possibly some kinda mumbo jumbo words that I didn’t really get. He did say that when he gets all his power back, we’ll have a reckoning. What the hell’s that? What’s he reckon he’s gonna do? And when did the Mayor get so country? Before he left he did do the old man shake his fist thing which always makes me giggle.

Saw the A.S.S. guys the other day takin’ out a dragonmonsterthingy. If I had to sum up that fight in 2 words, I’d say: funny as shit. It was only SK, Mofo and PI that were there (haven’t seen any of the others in forever). Lemme see if I can remember how it went. Oh wait this computer’s about to shut off. I have to go see if I can get on another one…

LC