It's not the same as "tar & feather", I guess...

Whoa. That is not at all what I thought those people were yelling about.

There's been a lot of people outside the courthouse yelling and picnicing about "impeaching" the Mayor. I was pretty freaked out at first, 'cause I thought they meant they wanted to drown him in peach jelly or somethin. but it turns out that (according to Marcus, my driver) "impeaching" is a fancy way of firing the Mayor and holding him accountantable for missuse of government fundage and stuff.

I think I may get screwed on this one, and not in the good way. Marcus says a lot of us may get the axe (he said "literally", but I don't know what he meant) because the city wouldn't need us and our "specializationses" like the Mayor did. How can a city and Mayor not need a magical hooey gatherer like me around all the time?

Wait a sec...this better not affect my current lavish living conditioners. I'm gonna go talk to the Mayor.

LC

No, I'm the real Liquid Courage!

Dagnabbit! I couldn't remember what my Interweb address was for this diary, so I Googled myself (hee hee). I mean that I looked Liquid Courage up on the Google site to try and find my web journal/diary/thing page.

It seems as though there are lots of non real Liquid Courage faker sites out on the Interweb, and I just want to set the records straight:
If you are looking for the real Liquid Courage; the beer drinkin-est, butt kickin-est, villain smashin-est, chick doin-est super hero around, well that'd be ME, the real Liquid Courage here at this Interweb site: http://greattastemorebuttkicking.blogspot.com/

I wish I could get the url-thingamajig from that lady who has my name on blogspt. She doesn't even use it anymmore! Havin that one would make it tons more easier on me to try and remember where this thing is...

LC

Bored bored bored

Man. I am sooo bored.

There's nothing to do. Well, at least nothing for me to do anyhoo. You see, I'm not supposed to be out "raising my profile" or whatever it was The Mayor said. He wants me to lay low for some politcal type reasons. He says there are people after him. I said I could probably try and help him out if he wanted me to. But he said as much as he'd like to have me "take care of them", he says it's more of a plitical game that must be won and not my cup of tea. I told him taht I hate tea and it tastes like piss, well all the tea I've ever had back at the old HQ, but that I still don't like tea, but I do like Bar be Q. He just looked at me and said "That's exactly why I don't need you for this. Just go home and play with Bongo, eat Cheetos or whatever it is you do." He pretty much nailed what I do on the head.

So I'm stuck at home. Luckily there's no giant ants or anything. And Lacey had one of the janitors in the office (who actually looks a lot like one of The Brick Twins) come and remove taht sign for the ball pit sign ups. She said something about not needing any gold, digging sluts getting there hands on the balls that were hers. So nobody's coming buy to play.

And I can't believe I'm about to say this but.......
I kinda wonder what Mofo is up to.

LC
bored bored bored bored

How do you say "I'm gonna hurl" in Irish?

Happyy SAint Patty's dAy!!!!

Man. Theese Irish guys can drink. I meen, I thought alls they new was potatoes and tape. And hoo's this saint Patty anyways? Was she hot? She sounds like she'd be hott. Any hoo, I found the perfect shirt logo for me today:



Just right for fighting crime for good old SaINt Patttty.

These Irishh guys like me so much, they says they wished they have a super dooper guyy like me with them in in the IRS or whatever it is...wait....

Potatoe. po-ta-toe. That's a funny word. Hey guys come eere! Potatoe! hahahahaha

cl

Hoosier Daddy?

Heh heh. I always thought that was funny after hearing one of the guys from Sportscenter say it.

So it has come to my attention that it's March Madness time again. For those of yous who don't know, it's when there's a whole buncha basketball played, men go absolutely apeshit, workers stop working, women cry, and I drink. Well, more. While watching the basketball.

I decided not to enter into the pool (which was not what I thought they were talking about) at work. Man, $25 to get in is steep, and my fvorite team isn't even playing: The Purdue Boilermakers. Well, my favorite team is really the Milwaukee Beers. But The Mayor says they're not real (but I have a Beers jersey!), so I can't pick them. Next, I bet he's gonna tell me there's no University of Margaritaville either.

It''l be fun to watch everyone at work get all pissed off when their team gets kocked out and they don't get no money. The Mayor went with the Blue Devils, Lacey went with Oral Roberts (ha ha ha...that's just funny to say), and a bunch of the others went with some college in Boston and that team that was good but screwed up at the end of the season but is supposed to do good in this tournament so it's seated high.

Me? I'm just gonna drink beer, watch the tv and have fun laughing at everyone else. So, work as usual I guess.

LC

Demon Update

I was looking on the Interweb and came accross a picture of something that looked kind of like the demon thing I fought last night:

It's not the exact same thing, but looks a lot like it. This one in the Interweb is supposed to be named "Skip". I'm pretty goddamned sure the thing I fought wouldn't have had a name like "Skip". It'd probably be like "Ragnar the destroyer of worlds and eater of babies" or "Trogdor the burninator" or something cool and scary like that.

If you see Ragnar/Trogdor/Skip here, then run like all get out. And don't call me. I'm gonna start screening my calls for the next couple of days, just in case.

Peace out,
LC

holyshitholyshitholyshitholyshit

Demons! Real live fucking demons!

OK I'm used to fighting super bad guys, the occasional mutant ants, radioactive dinosaurs, giant robots, mad scientists, evil wizards and even a murderous penguin once...but an actual demon? Like from the underworld? And no, not that movie with that Kate Beckinsale chick who was wearing rubber the whole time 'cept when she was almost nekked. The underworld, as in H-E- double hockey sticks.

I know, I know. You're saying to me "But Liquid Courage the Great, haven't you faced elemental demons taht worked for that Mortax the whats-his-face?" Yes. Yes, I have. Kinda. I've been told we did anyways. But that was like all kinds of magical hooey "demons" though.

This one was the kind that would make the Reverand shit himself like Mofo and run away screaming like a little girl, also like Mofo.

And I faced him. Face to bottom of the chest. Now I'm not a short guy (like Mofo), so that means this guy was pretty dang tall. A real big 'un too. And the dang thing hurt me pretty bad while he was at it. But I gave him a good what for (for what? what does that mean anyways?). Anyways, we fought for a little while until that thing ran off. But I just let him go. If there's one thing that Mofo did teach me, it's "don't go runnin' after something really big and fuckin scary that could kill the hell outta ya." So, um, thanks Mofo.

I am not looking forward to runnin into that bastard again. The demon, not Mofo. Well, both of 'em really.

LC

Oh, holy Hell!!!

Well, that date was interestin'. Lemme cover a few things about my date with Nikita (the Rushin chick I got set up with).

1. She likes to drink. (that chick almost put me under the table. no more vodka for me.)
2. She talks funny. (i don't mean "ha ha" funny, I mean "what was that?" funny. Although the way she puts "k" at the end of almost everything is funny. "ha ha" funny I mean.)
3. She's a skanky dresser. (that's really just weird. boobies are great, but leave a little to the imagination)
4. She's a whore. (and i don't mean like The Slut)
5. She ends a lot of sentences with "or I'll put this cigarette out in your fucking eye!"
6. She claims her last boyfriend deserved to have his weener cut off because he looked at her wrong (holy shit! holy shit! holy shit!)
7. She's surprisingly quick and agilely when she's had a litre of vodka, 2 lobsters, cheesecake and wants some "hot Moscow lovingk". (no matter how fast or where you run. this was a first for me)
8. Did I mention she's a whore? seriously. I asked her what she does for money and she said "just about anything". I was like "yeah, me too." She was like "No, I mean I'm a whore." I said "Yeah, sometimes I feel like that too. But not as much now since I got away from Mofo." She said "No I mean I have sex with men, and occasionally women, for money and other valuables." I was all like "Umm, you got me there. Wait, did you say women too?"


So, you can pretty much imagine my date with Nikita.

I gotta appreciate the Mayor's help and enthusiasm in this, but I'm gonna have to take a pass on another date. Or any other date with someone he tries to hook me up with.

And for the record, Lacey, I did not appreceate being greeted yesterday in the store with "So how was your date with the whore?" That's just rude.

LC
No more crazy ass, Rushin chicks!

I should be on the cover of GQ...or Modern Drunkard

Check this out:


I'll be sportin' this stylish get-up on my date. Pretty handsome, no?

It's my work outfit that the Mayor had Lacey put together for me. She went on and on about the colors still excentuating (no idea what that means) stuff and flexability and my ass and other stuff. Whatever. I like it though. It's basically the same thing I used to wear. Plus it looks good on the job or when I'm out playing. I just hate having to shave all the time now. AND the Mayor put me on "light" beer and "light" mayo and other stuff. But my pants fit better, so that's ok i guess...

So, wish me luck. Or wish me lucky. Ha ha!

LC

Friday night at 8!

"Got myself a date! And I will not be late! Somethin somethin somethin..."

I gots me a date friends. And surprisingly enough it wasn't from my super fantastic ad I put on the online dating site that's online. Nope, the Mayor hooked me up.

Her name's Nikita (she's Rushin). She's an old acquaintance (I think that means relative) of the Mayor's. He said he just ran into her the other day, helped her out of a little misunderstanding with the Police and thought taht she might be a good match for me.

But it's one of those blind dates though. I haven't seen her yet. That's the only thing that kinda freaks me out about this whole thing. What if she's like coyote ugly (not like those hot chicks in that movie)? But I trust the Mayor. He's never screwed me over before. Not like that time Mofo set me up with a horrendous looking chick just so he could hook up with her hot friend. "Be my wing man. Take one for the team. I'd do it for you." Lies! All lies! Going out with that chick was like taking 37 ones for the team at the same time. I still feel dirty inside from that. Mofo didn't even get lucky that night! She "super dipped" out on him right after dinner after saying she got a phone call saying her whole family just blew up in a freak fireworks factory accident. That sorry bastard. I wouldn't even fall for that one...again.

Ok, let's just forget about that. Gonna be a good date. Gotta trust the Mayor. Now I'm gonna go get my hair cut and make sure my outfit's clean. I decided to go with my work outfit cause it's comfy and Lacey says it makes my ass look "sweet". I'll try and post a picture of it tomorrow if I can.

Laters,
LC

1 is the lonelyest #

Well, that's what they say. But I think it's got to be -3684377 'cause that's just kind of a messed up number that none of the other numbers would wanna be friends with it.

Sorry, I didn't meen to get all mathematicall on you. Whoa. Its hard to type tonight. I cant type so goood cause i've been drinkin. And not to fight bad guys. It's actually kinda slow lately. Just those fuking Ants that gave me back rubber balls. Which by the way I had to take down that signup to play in the pit cause Lacey (the mayors' recepshunist) said that that sign meant something totally different from whut it was sposed to mean. But she said she'd sign up if I wanted to keep the sign up anyways. I guess she likes playing in the ballpit too.

Anyhoo, i been drinkin 'cause I'm a bit lonely to. Kinda like -3684377. Not that i dont have friends, cause I doo. Lots of em to. at the Orfice. at the bar. And the other bar. And the store. and MickyD's. Well, i meen I know them and they kno me. And there nice to me. but I need.......i need a um.....i need a girlfriend. or something.

Their. I sed it. Fine, i'm lonelly. I meen, Bongos all kinds of fun and he knows tricks and will listen to me with his super stretched ear even when he's in another room (he's taken a fancy to the ballpit again), butt he's just not the kind of friend you want to have benefits with you know. Not the French benefits eether.

So I think i'll put an ad up on one of thos dating sites. Like the one with that funny old guy or Dr. Phil. But not toonight. I can't type so good and I know better than to try and do that when I been drinking. Give me some credit.

So all yous intranet hottys that want to hook up with your favorite superhero (me), be on the look out for my personel ad later tomorrow.

lC