When you gotta go, you gotta go.

Wow. Umm, I guess Bongo had to really go to the bathroom. But I'll get to that in a second.

Sorry I've been away. I know I have a tendency to kind of disappear for periods of time and have aboslutely no memory of what happened while I was gone (I like to call it "time travel"), but I got a good excuse for this one.

I woke up this weekend and I wasn't at home. I didn't know where the hell I was. Not that that's all unusual or anything, but I was very cold and nothing looked at all familiar. And I wasn't in the cooler at Wendy's again. No, I know that place now. This place was weird and the people talked funny. Real funny. Everything they said was like a question or something cause they ended all their weird-speak sentences with "eh?" They said the name of the place was "Minnesota."

I told them I was from America and needed to get back home. They tried to convince me that I was still in the good old US of A, but I wasn't buying it. Noone talks that weird in America, well except those funy little kids that ride the small school bus and The Reverend calls "God's extra special children." Mofo calls them "Society's extra special burdens." I don't know what a burden is, but it sounds sweet.

So anyhoo, I asked these foreigners how I got to their strange country and they said that Bongo brought me. I tried to ask Bongo if that was true, but he couldn't confirm or deny becuase he's a puppy. So I decided to chalk it up to another case of "time travel". Hmmm, maybe I was in the future... I didn't know how to get back home to America, so I did what every good old red bloodied American would do in that situation. I drank.

Those kind Minnesotians took me out to this bar called the "Ice Hole" (hee hee hee). They wouldn't let Bongo in at first, but he used his puppy charms and ate the doorknob off the door, and they let him in. Let me tell you something about those little people. They can drink. They kept pace with me for like the first 3 hours. But then I hit my stride and made them all pass out, even that big fat trucker in the corner. I think he had something in his eye, cause he kept winking at me. After they all passed out I had nothing left to do but play with Bongo and keep drinking. The last thing I rememebr was telling Bongo I missed home and wished I was there. Oh, and falling through the table.

Next thing I know, I'm at home in the bathtub.

I asked The Reverend if he knew what happened and he said the last he saw me was Thursday night. He said a loud crash woke him up and when he went to investigate, he saw Bongo with his leash on dragging me down the street unconcious. And that's when he stopped caring.

So, I guess Bongo really had to go to the bathroom and for a walk. So he took us to another country. I don't know why he won't just go on Mrs. Pym's bushes across the street like I want. It's always either in Mofo's room or "Minnesota".

Oh well. Maybe I need to take him to puppy obedience school or something.

LC