Aw, nuts!

For some reason, the City contacted me.

I was hangin out by the store with my homies Lil’ Puff, Pimpalicious, and el Whoppo; when some suit guy came up and said that for official City porpoises I had to get examined and tested. I told him one of the benefits of being nigh-invulnerable is that I can’t get STDs from sluts. He just stared at me and said that’s not what he meant. He meant psycho-something-or-otherly. I just stared at him. He said: “A shrink, you frickin’ retard!” That guy was an asshole.

So I went to the head doctor and thought you guys might want to hear about some of the highlights:

• He asked me about my childhood, but I didn’t remember it. In fact, I don’t got nothing before waking up with my powers…
• He asked about my “teammates”. I told him “former teammates”.
• We played some word game where I told him the first things I thought when he told me a word. That game was fun. He got real mad. Apparently your not sposed to reply with “Are you gay?” more than 2 or 3 times…
• I got to play with “action figures” to show how people have treated me, and he went and got a camera to take pictures. I guess I made a good story for a movie or something.
• I made him cry and he threw me out. I mean, who leaves “priceless Meng density vases” just lying about within reach? And wasn’t that Meng guy in a Flash Gordon movie? No, wait, I think he was a wrestler…

So that was my trip to the head shrinker. I had a pretty good time, but he said that he’d blow up the city if they made him see me again. Guess I don’t get to crash on his comfy couch again any time soon.

Gotta run. I’m being asked to leave the Library because Bongo kept molesterering the copy machine downstairs. I gotta get him fixed or something.

LC