Monkeying Around 2: Monkeying Around Harder

Mofo exaggerated a little. Ok, Mofo exaggerated a LOT! Monkeys are not like a million times stronger than humans. Well, maybe regular-type peoples like Mofo. But not me.

I got to go back to the Zoo with Mofo yesterday (he’s still cleaning up poop and making kids cry), and I decided to test Mofo’s little theory about super monkey strength.

I waltzed into Taffy’s cage and went to go rustle her up. Heh. Rustle. I talked like a cowboy. Anyways, I went to go rustle her up, but apparently she was waiting for me. I heard this loud yelling in the tree and when I lookeded up, all I saws was Taffy flying down on top of me. Next thing I know, we’re rolling around on the ground with dirt and rocks flying everywhere. I managed to get up and back away. “You got me that time, Taffy! But this time won’t be so easy cheesy!” I told her.

Before I could even laugh at “easy cheesy” (hee hee), Taffy was jumpin at me again. This time I caught her and put her in a bear hug. Which reminded me, taht I still had an appointment with Mr. Bear about riding him. Back to the story. I had Taffy in a bear hug and was all like “Oh see? You’re not so tough. You just want to be hugged!” My brain started itchin again and then something whacked me in the back of the noggin. I mean it didn’t hurt or nuthin, but still, that’s not cool to get hit in the back of the head.

I dropped Taffy and went to see who was being a dick and hit me in the head. Mofo wasn’t there like I expected. In facts, noone was. Taffy then went and gave me one of those Ric Flair-type low blows from behind. That shit HURT! So monkeys aren’t a million times stronger than peoples, but they sure can hit you in the junk harder.

While I layed there on the ground holdin my boys, Taffy was flippin out yelling and jumpin and flingin poop all over. I was so totally over it at that point. I got up, grabbed Taffy and punched her right in the monkey face.

Once again I’m not allowed back in the Zoo for a while. Knocking out monkeys, busting holes in big cages, and riding bears around is apparently not the kind of fun that visitors are allowed to have at the Zoo any more. This zoo sucks. On the plus side, they said Mofo didn’t have to work at the Zoo for free anymore. I wonder if that means he’ll have more free time to take me to Sea World now. Dolphins are funny.

LC