The house always SUCKS!

....goddamnit. I hate Vegas.

Well I do now anyways. I didn't at first, but I danged sure do now.

I get there and am welcomed in the air port by this hot-ass chick Cassandra who's there to drive me around. (still trying to get the Mayor to hire her to replace Marcus. no offense, Marcus) Then I get to the hotel and check into my sweet-ass penthouse (strangly no naked chicks in there like in the magazines). It has it's own bar. Let me repeat that. It. Has. It's. Own. Bar.

Luckily I was in Vegas for a few days to get my hands on the "artifact". I can't tell you how many times the Mayor told me and told me and re-told me that it was an "artifact" not "artichoke". Wait, yes I can: it was 37. I counted. And he wrote it on my hand. But that got smudged and looked kinda like azkaban or whatever the Harry Porter movie had in it. Sorry, back to the story of Vegas. Luckily I had a few days to get the doohickey, 'cause I woke up the next day in the bathtub with my underwear on my head and a duck in the toilet (he was cute I named him Pete). and I don't know how any of that happened.

Cassie came and got me from the room and took me off to meet the guys who had found the doodad, sorry "artifact" that the Mayor wanted. Some artifact. I expected a stone tablet, orb, or even some big metal glove. Nope. It was a necklace. Not even a big fancy blingged out rapper-style necklace. I looked like one of those ones that Mofo's favorite hippies make and sell at the flea market.

So I got the damn thing. And was told that i had to protect it and get it back to the Mayor in 1 peece. no problemo. 'Cept for what turned into what I like to call Liquid Courage's other dirty little habit.

Turns out I like to gamble. A whole freakin' lot.
and I suck at it.

A few suggestions to those of you who are gonna gamble:
-Don't double down on 20 and say "hit me" when playing blackjack.
-No game will ever win on a 69. none. And that's my lucky number, so I kept playing it. It's not my lucky number any more.
-Picking up and shaking the slot machines is not permitted.
-Neither is picking up and shaking the asshole next to you who just figured out your "tell" at poker.
-Bluffing with a pair of 2 and giggling never works.
-Shrimp cocktail, booze and rollercoasters don't go together.

But they do serve you free drinks while you're gambling, so that's a pretty good thing.

So I lost all the spending money I was given, all the money Cassie would let me borrow, maxed out the county credit card, and, um, well... um I lost the "artifact" too. Some old broad from Miami bought it for 50 bucks. Which I left as a tip for the cute waitress that was bringing me drinks. (she worked her fine ass off)

I managed to get the necklace back, but not after having to do a favor for the old lady from Miami. Which I'm not supposed to talk about as it involved some blackmail scheme.

Oh, and in Vegas they don't really like when you go around asking where the superhero fights are because you're broke and need money. They also don't like when you cuss them out when you find the fights and they won't let you fight because you "have a reputation in the fighting world". Guess that means I'm too good a fighter or somethng.

So I managed to square things away before leaving and Cassie took me to the airport. She said it was interesting and gave me kiss goodbye. (best. kiss. ever!) I've never been so happy to leave a city before and get home to those who love me. Well, at least like and put up with me.

The Mayor, while grateful I was able to bring the necklace back, was still all kinds of pissed at the whole money thing and said the Board was gonna have a field day with the whole credit card thing. I asked if they were gonna have cotton candy at their Field Day, and he made me go home.

So that's my trip to shitty Las Vegas. I hate it and I'm never going back. Aw, damnit! I forgot Pete. Maybe I can get Cassie to bring him out here so I don't have to go back.

LC