Good for the ‘vironment, bad for kicking ass.

They sure don’t make cars like they used to. They’re all made of plastic and aluminum and carbon fibered and whatnot. Not steel and, um, heavy stuff like… steel.

Nowadays when you pick up a car to smash a villain into the pavement or throw at yet another giant robot, they just kinda crumple up and fall apart. Don’t get me wrong, the whole airbag popping out after it hits ‘em is funny, but it’s just not effective any more.

Used to be a time when I could pick up a good, solid American car and the baddie would just about piss himself knowing that I was about to pound him with it like a square peg in a round hole. Now they just kinda stand there and chuckle as I smack ‘em with a Prius and it practically disintegrates as it hits.

Let’s not even mention how crappy the explosions are with those stupid hybrid-type cars. They won’t make a dent in armor or sever any robot limbs. So I steer clear of them. Heh heh. Get it? Cars? Steer clear?

Alls I know is, if I wanna get my hands on a bunch of good solid car weapons, I have to go downtown. I mean downtown downtown. The area Mofo calls “Dark Territory”. That’s mean tho, and pretty damned racist. I think it’s because he had a bad experience the only time he went down there. They actually chased him out after he said something about saving “You people” and the whole thing that happened after that.

He’s missing out, ‘cause they’re super-duper nice to me, and they have the best fried chicken and greens around down there. Plus, you can stop by Ray Ray’s store and get like 6 Schlitzes for like, 2 bucks. That’s way cheaper that up at those frat-tastic bars by the school.

Any-hoo, I got some work to do fixin’ up mine and SK’s “Rumpus Room” that we have now. Stil not exactly sure what a “Rumpus” is, but it sounds cool.

LC