Great place to visit, ok to live too

You know, for all the evil-doin’ villains that we have here in the ‘Boro, it’s really a great place to live.

Sure we have our usual reflux of new baddies popping up every now and then, but usually they get taken care of pretty quickly by the consistent superhero types. Not to say that we don’t got our share of fledgeling heroes, cause we do; it’s just that a lot of times they get cut down/torn up/blown up/crushed/etc before they even reach their stride. For every 5’oclock Bastard and P-Whip, we’ve got a Marius Maxwell and Hitman who actually fallow through with their plans to fucking-A kill someone. Basically, the younger heroes pick the wrong baddies and henchmen (like the Brick Twins) to screw with.

Like that guy Toddimus Prime. Oh jeez. That guy lasted like all of half a day on the job. I heard he stumbled upon one of Marius’ little plans and Marius had his guys beat the poor kid into a coma. Beat him into a coma, I said. Then instead of just leaving the poor schmo there in the street, he decided to test out one of his death devices on him because Toddimus fit the physical description of a certain local superhero. What I’m tryin to get at is he was about the same size as Mofo, and the poor kid ate it in some dry run of a death device. Not a fantabulous debut.

And then there’s the smell. You think with all of the “poop-themed” bad guys that Ponce de Leon Interdimensional keeps running into, that the place would just reek like the sewers or something. But it doesn’t. There’s really not a smelly place in town that I know of. Well, except the actual sewers. I think that PI is just a magnet for shitty villains. Get it? Shitty villains?!

But we’ve got lots of parks and bars and artsy stuff and a water park and a college and a mall and a theater and lots of other nice stuff that people seem to really like. Good place to raise a family I tell ya.

I mean sure, you’re just as likely to have nothing happen to you for your whole life in the ‘Boro as you are to get hit by a “repulsive blast” from Ugly Stick every week, but it’s still a great place to live. But remember that you’ve always got some bonerfide, genuine superheroes like LC, SK, and Mofo to save the day. Oh and PI too.

LC